Oh My! I have chosen this place, a page on the Web, as a place to be, in this moment.
I am here. That deed is done.
My mind explores ... other places. Naka, here, the center. Soto, there, out there. My mind seems to want to go soto, out there.
Maybe this is a fault in Me. Am I and my mind different things? I can only report what I perceive. I feel as if I and My Mind are not the same things. sddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Huh?
I feel like I am an observer, and a decision maker, though not entirely in control of the latter faculty ... or of the former. Because I observe, or I perceive. That, I don't need to do anything about. And then, maybe I can decide, and maybe not. I feel like I can decide to look at something. Beyond that, I'm not sure ... what I can decide ... to do. Sometimes I can decide to do something, and sometimes, despite myself, I can't, or so it seems.
I am here. I decided to come here. It was a spontaneous kind of decision, based, maybe, on what felt easiest. "Where can I go and feel comfortable," I thought, and thought the easiest place to go and be that was here, so I came here.
I am comfortable here because it is clean, simple, elegant, beautiful ... and offers, also, the possibility of getting something done. I was asking myself about that. Am I motivated by the possibility of getting things done? Is that some kind of core motivation? Is that life's purpose, perhaps?
What is it I wish to accomplish. I think it's accurate to say this, that I wish to accomplish something. I didn't decide to wish that, or that's how it feels. Maybe I could decide not to wish that, but I just wished it, spontaneously. Maybe My Mind wished it, and maybe My Mind and I are not the same thing. I'm observing My Mind wishing something. I feel like it did it on its own, and I am separate from it, and just observing it doing that. Now maybe I can make a decision, and direct My Mind to do something, one thing or another, but wishing this thing is something My Mind did on its own.
I want something. Now it feels more like me, and not so much this other entity, My Mind, doing the wanting. Very confusing!
I am deeply reluctant to admit that I want something. To write, here, that I want something, is to admit that I want something. I don't mind admitting wanting things, but I'm wary of admitting what they are.
Interesting! It seems I and My Mind have somewhat merged, as a result of this writing!
